Op-ed (in tweet form)

Op-ed (in tweet form): Happy #4thOfJuly to states that practice liberty. #USA ranks 15th in freedom, and will keep falling if the fruitcakes (AL, AR, ID, KY, LA, MS, MO, ND, OK, SD, TN, TX, UT, WY) with trigger laws use tax dollars (even though they worship small government) to promote their inner Taliban.

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April 24, 2018

Apricot revolution? Not quite...

In laymen’s terms, I'll fill in the dots for the tiny number of earthlings losing sleep over the nation that has the apricot as its national fruit. Why apricot revolution? I use this term to describe the recent events in the capital, Yerevan. Finally, Armenia has decided to join other former Soviet satellites in denouncing the oligarchy. Ukraine (Orange) and Georgia (Rose) have had their version of political revolution in modern times, however, this one is of greater interest to yours truly (blame my ancestry and an obsession to read, write and speak loudly in my mother tongue).

By no means does 10,000 (0.30% of population, equivalent to 1.1 million Americans protesting) residents taking in part in peaceful protests mean that democracy will magically become a daily part of life. Russia still exerts major influence in all corners of Armenian life, from vocabulary, military presence to nepotism in political circles. Serzh Sarkisian was a military strongman who bought himself two presidential terms, then did the classic 'I'm a democrat disguised as a dictator move made post his Presidency made changes to the Constitution where the President will be a symbolic ribbon cutter, so he can take on the role of Prime Minister (Ala Putin-Medvedev). Little did he know that Armenian do protest outside of April 24 (the genocide has power over Armenians that clouds critical thinking allowing many to forget living in the present - best left to dissect for another day. A little ironic that the mass protest was in April, with Sarkisian eventually falling on his sword on April 23.

For those among us who understand the inner workings of the Armenian political system, this won't change much. The largest bloc in parliament is still Sarkisian Republic Party, full of its cronies and their family members who have their fingers in every facet of Armenian industry. The positive is that Nikol Pashinian (former editor of a liberal daily) leader of Yelk (holds only 9 seats in the 105-seat parliament) lead the upheaval and managed to force a concession from the oligarchs that have for so long ruled with an iron fist, which to the outside is interpreted as business as usual. As an old American couple once told me at Zvartnots airport, Yerevan reminds them of Paris - glorious history, beautiful parks, fashionable people driving European cars. That is the facade of the chosen 1% of the population, dominating the touristic areas that visitors see. What they don't witness is 20% unemployment and the 30% of the population living below $3 a day.

Now the hard part begins, a KGB style political operative known in Armenia as the gambler may have vacated the halls of power, but his party still wags the dog that is the Putin's Armenia. We in the diaspora are living out superficial lives and occasionally we wake up and want to spill Turkish blood over the events in 1915, however that same enthusiasm is never aimed at the present genocide, a cultural and economic one where we are selling out the country to Russian interests. Neighboring Georgia has an association agreement with the EU and is very forward about integrating with European ideals, whereas Armenia struggles to divorce itself from the Mother Russia yolk (this explains why EU flags during protests have been non-existent).

Whenever I have visited Armenia I spoke in formal Armenian, yet some locals would be bemused, acting surprised why I didn't speak Russian. Even spelling on street signs/buildings is in incorrect Armenian. April 23, 2018 should be the start of the beginning of the end of Russian influence and the rebirth of an Armenia that has 10 million strong diaspora that has little in common with the Fatherland.

Putting in an apolitical leader and calling for new elections is one thing; what's needs is a free and fair vote that leads to liberalism penetrating the halls of power. Maybe if the diaspora transfers the same energy as they do into beating the genocide drum towards their brethren having what we take for granted, liberalism, then maybe apricots will symbolize more than just fruit.

Note: to the likes of the Kardashian clan (feeling dirty just saying their name), we don't need your input into the conversation over the future of the country. Snake oil salesman who major in pornography may achieve success in the U.S. (as the current illegitimate President has proved), but Armenians can do without the influence from a family full of plastic narcissists.

April 1, 2018

Weird and wonderful state slogans

April Fools' Day is the apt time to unleash my no holds barred ridicule of each state, even my adopted state of Texas is in the firing line. If you can't laugh at the state you live in, then please seek asylum to the Democratic People's Republic of Korea.

Alabama - subtract college football and this is pretty much what the U.S. would like under Taliban rule.

Alaska - don't visit us in summer, you do realize it's Alaska! There's no actual evidence you can see Russia from our vantage point. If you have a few screws loose and originate from the lower 48 you're qualified to Govern us.

Arizona - our weather attracts folk fleeing cold Northern winters, but as a state we rank lower than most cold states in quality of life. We blame coyotes.

Arkansas - a microcosm of the world's richest country - not! If you're a fan of trailer parks, hot springs and Bubba (Bill Clinton) the Natural State is for you.

California - if you search the web or use social media than you better worship the Golden State. We like to think we're as progressive as Canada but having the death penalty doesn't help our cause. Blame our perfect weather for being home to the highest concentration of serial killers.

Colorado - altitude helps with our desires to ski, consume marijuana and stock up on weapons.

Connecticut - still sounds too white and bland, finger pointed directly at NY elites for hiding their second homes here.

Delaware - no one respects our first state status, but they secretly admire our 0% sales tax.

Florida - where snake oil salesman, deadbeat parents and lizard skin oldies live out their last days in stickiness.

Georgia - without the booming film/TV production industry, we would be a redneck's paradise with tasty peaches. Reminder to coastal elites, we gave this country two of the finest bleeding hearts: MLK and Jimmy Carter.

Hawaii - home to America's best healthcare. We open our arms to all those fleeing long snowy winters, if you're from a warm climate you will be denied entry.

Idaho - there's more than potatoes, come and enjoy our dollar store version of the Swiss Alps.

Illinois - shootings are our thing, refer to Abe Lincoln and Chicago.

Indiana - education takes a back seat to basketball, race cars and narrow-mindedness.

Iowa - flat as Kansas and white as Oregon (without the hipsters). I bet you didn't know, we have the best infrastructure in the land.

Kansas - flat as a pancake, sums up the common sense of our residents, no disrespect to Clark Kent.

Kentucky - bunch of inbred racist redneck's, for some reason we wear this as a badge of honor.

Louisiana - without New Orleans we're simply Alabama west. No one can ever take our mantle away as 50th best state, we need the notoriety.

Maine - pristine beauty ruined by crazies lurking in the woods ready to devour outsiders. Relax, we're not all Stephen King caricatures. I repeat, we're the safest state.

Maryland - our corruption tastes better with crabs. Baltimore is America's second most liberal city (in your face 6th place NYC).

Massachusetts - no in between, full of history and no. 1 state for education, yet we have an inferiority complex over NY (23rd for education), and don't mention our obnoxious sports fans.

Michigan - if you drive a car then you better thank us. Don't let the snow fool you, we get 4 proper seasons. Yes, you can still pick up a gun at your local bank.

Minnesota - where you can experience Canada without a passport. It's cold but at least our quality of life is the envy of warmer states. Only state to vote against Ronnie in 1984, in other words, the smartest state in the Union.

Mississippi - we are the time machine state, it's the 1860's all-year round. We are willing to beam into the 1980's, simply for the fact Reagan allowed us to practice segregation publicly.

Missouri - we fail at even being the mean representative of America, we're the 30th best state in the Union. We did produce a President (Harry S. Truman), in case you slept through history class.

Montana - we accept liberals here, so long as they adore killing machines. We think having an Hispanic population of 3.5% makes us multicultural.

Nebraska - Besides a grumpy old man bringing in the visitors (Warren Buffett), we also get corn tourism. Contrary to popular belief some of our population is non-white, a "whopping" 5% is African-American.

Nevada - where else can you take your firearms into a casino and lose all your life savings.

New Hampshire - we provide the most opportunity, yet we fail to attract Millennials.

New Jersey - we have America's second-best education system, yet New Yorkers (ranked 25th) think we're the dummies. Most densely populated state (1210 people per square mile).

New Mexico - Thank You Breaking Bad and Roswell, we now attract meth addicts and alien enthusiasts. You think that's bad, we rank 50th in education!

New York - a thrice married adulterer of the illiterate Neanderthal variety (pretending to be President) on 5th Ave has forever made the Empire State a laughing stock.

North Carolina - don't be fooled by the word North, we're as Southern as they come, bring on segregation!

North Dakota - colder version of Texas (minus the loony Southern Baptists). Also, we get a gold medal in quality of life.

Ohio - tease us all you want for being boring middle America, but we've still produced the most Presidents (7) and had the largest representation in the Union army. We are the antidote to the Confederacy.

Oklahoma - thank goodness for Sooners football, or else we'd be simply known as the wig covering Texas' head. We "value" education, hence our schools are open 4-days-a-week.

Oregon - we celebrate diversity, yet we barely have any. If you don't ride your bike daily, you'll be reprimanded for crimes against the environment.

Pennsylvania - our Amish broker peace between two foreign people, Pittsburghers and Philadelphians.

Rhode Island - at least we get attention during trivia for being the smallest state in the Union.

South Carolina - the north is too liberal for us, we want confederacy to be honored, our DNA is hard wired for racism.

South Dakota - Don't wait as long as Obama (last state he visited as President) to check us out. Unlike most states, we have a sizable Native Americans population (9% compared to 1.3% nationally).

Tennessee - Memphis and Nashville bring in the tourists, the rest of us are just hillbilly's stuck in a time warp.

Texas - everything is bigger in Texas except brain capacity (hence why we own so many guns). We're a state of contradiction - Austin is a liberal mecca, Midland is a conservative bastion.

Utah - don't know if our population/economic boom will finally rid us of the polygamy stigma, but we're trying to join the 20th century.

Vermont - what America would be like if it were part of Scandinavia. Home to America's most progressive city, Burlington.

Virginia - still backward, don't let those yuppies in the north working for six-figures in D.C. fool you.

Washington - chances are you're reading this via a device that relies on software created in the state of rain and tree huggers. "Shock-horror", Seattle is the best city to be a liberal.

West Virginia - John Denver sang about us, yet no one loses sleep over us.

Wisconsin - if Germany were part of the U.S. Blame our extremely orange processed cheese for producing monsters (Jeffery Dahmer).

Wyoming - What Colorado was like in 1950. We still have the smallest population (5.8 people per square mile).