Florida-Texas: commie central on American soil

The Communist Party of China (you know, the ones in charge of planet earth) would like to thank the following jurisdictions in the so-called land of the free for following our orders regarding suppressing the people. Iran, Russia, Saudi Arabia also would like to get on board with their thanks, it's a momentous occasion when Americans finally admit that communist, kleptocratic, theocratic values are the way forward. Who said liberal ideals were winning over everyone in a nation that bangs on about liberty. 

Four key areas where the aforementioned are ecstatic over America getting back to 1939 values. The below list proves China and their illiberal brethren are erasing parts of Lady Liberty's DNA. 

1) Reproductive freedom is forbidden in the Saudi belt of America. For simpletons, states that resemble medieval times. Please boycott the following:

Alabama, Arkansas, Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, Missouri, North Dakota, Oklahoma, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, West Virginia.

*From the moment of fertilization, Texas has control of the fairer sex. If your a victim of rape/incest, then Texas will force you to breed. Another example of theocratic rule disguised as freedom.

2) Capital punishment is still on the books in these deadbeat states: 

Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, North Carolina, Ohio, Oklahoma, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Wyoming

*Death by firing squad has been reinstated in Idaho, no, I'm not making this up! I guess Putin will slip this tidbit into his next press conference to assure the world that Americans are on board with his human rights agenda.

3) Homophobia/eradicating gender identity is rampant in these disgusting states: 

Alabama, Florida, Mississippi, Montana, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas.

'Don"t Say Gay' is the name of an actual law in Florida. Let me repeat, never ever step foot in this backward fruitcake of a state. My condolences to anyone who lives there.

4) Migrant bashing: Alabama, *Florida, Iowa, Texas. 

Governor of Florida (Meathead Ron, not an earthling that deserves name recognition), product of undocumented immigrants himself, recently signed Bill 1718 that spits on the tired and poor. China is loving this, they to spit on the marginalised, refer to the Uyghurs. Not surprisingly, he has yet to sign a bill taking semi-automatic weapons away from citizens that do way more harm to society.

One can never get enough of the hilarity of states like Florida and Texas, both pride themselves on being limited government oasis', yet are the first to enact laws that allow the government to rule over your bedroom, body, library, school. You know what the likes of Putin do when they are told Russia lacks freedom, they wheel out what's happening in America's south and drop the mic! 

Now, to the antithesis of all of the above: The Land of Lincoln, Illinois. Just to annoy the living daylights out of all the wannabe theocrats, Illinois passed a law that gives businesses the right to install gender neutral bathrooms. Furthermore, this great state is a sanctuary to the undocumented and is the first state to oppose banning books, that's right, kiddies in Illinois can learn about 'the gays' at any age. Floridians are outraged, their state is currently practicing banning books, which is making a character with little mustache very happy in hell.

33%

America's greatest city, the one with the best skyline, theatre, food, museums, sports managed to get a "whopping" 33% voter turnout for the mayoral election. (Sincerest apologies to Greece, you gave the world democracy, but America ain't interested). Some might say there's no passion for democracy due to the 770 homicides, yes, cue the 'Chi-Raq' (2015) reference. See, I can laugh at my adopted city. See, fascists relying on talking heads screaming on cable news, I to live crime talk! 

To the annoyance of everyone below the Mason-Dixon line, it just got a lot more liberal. As of publishing at 11:00 PM local time, Brandon Johnson (no relation to Boris, Dwayne, Lyndon or my mate Ross, you get my drift), a proud union member, all for defunding the police and taxing the rich is the new mayor. 

FYI: I don't often provide links, but this is one of the best pieces for those interested in Chicago voting patterns. Keep an eye out for Boho- Chicago, home to yours truly.

https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/chicago-politics-neighborhoods-election/

In light of this, let's pay homage to Chicago by watching two shows that showcase the warts and all of the world's greatest metropolis. No, 'Perfect Strangers' (1986-1993) is not one of them, even though the opening credits will never be defeated by any sitcom. 'Shameless' (2011-2021) and 'The Bear' (2022- ), S1E7 is arguably the greatest single episode of television, up there with the finale of 'Six Feet Under' (2001-2005) and 'The Americans' (2013-2018).

If binge watching is not your thing, (I get that the pandemic is over, screen-watching should be obsolete) then listen to the following tracks that will make you want to relocate. Heck, you might even become a real Chicagoan and listen to these tunes while taking walks on the lake shore during a polar vortex.

'Chicago' (Sufjan Stevens)

'Lake Shore Drive' (Aliotta Haynes & Jeremiah)

'Pulaski at Night' (Andrew Bird)

'Sweet Home Chicago' (The Blues Brothers)

'Via Chicago' (Wilco)

Many folk from the confederacy, including Texas (where 11% of my life was lived, and I still can't fathom how I survived the suffocation by rednecks hiding behind his and their guns) will be vomiting over a city they deem to be a socialist cesspool. One things for sure, it's still a global city, which none of the Southern cities can lay claim to, so, suck on that my friends stuck in 1865 America! If you want further debate, talk to my daughter, standing proudly in this magnificent city.

View from Adler Planetarium

No overrated iPhones were used in the production of this photo, all done by a Motorola (HQ in Chicago).

Let's talk expiry

Time flies, it has been a demi-decade since the article that ruined birthdays was published. 

https://globaleditorial.blogspot.com/2018/03/ten-reasons-why-birthdays-should-be.html

It's only fitting (on yours truly entry into earth day 44 years ago), we revisit the nation's listed to get an update on their life expectancy credentials. 

List from March 11, 2018 (average for both sexes expiry date)

Sierra Leone (44.4)
Angola (45.8)
Central African Republic (45.9)
Chad (46.1)
Lesotho (46.6)
Cote d'Ivoire (47.0)
Nigeria (47.7)
Somalia (47.8)
Mozambique (49.6)
South Sudan (49.9)

List for both sexes on March 11, 2023. Good news, there's no longer a country populace that averages under five decades for expiry. Let's hope in 5 years no country will be under 60.

Chad (52.8)
Nigeria (52.9)
Central African Republic (54.6)
Lesotho (54.7)
South Sudan (55.5)
Somalia (56)
Mali (58.6)
Cote d'Ivoire (59)
Guinea (59.3)
Eswatini (59.7)

No one over the age of 10 should dare blow out candles, or even worse, go on social media declaring they are one year closer to death. Instead, let's all focus on how to make it possible for all earthlings to have a fair crack at living a long healthy life. Or, how about this, those oldies hanging on for dear life in wealthy nation's should try giving up their oxygen to their less fortunate earthling brethren. Won't happen, we all know how greedy westerners are, with their high and mighty 'we will live forever attitude', simply due to life's lottery of being born in an advanced nation.

Let's make a deal: when every nation has an expiry age of over 80 years, then we can go all over social media and force people to like our hideous birthday pics. I think we can all agree, if this downright impossible task comes to fruition, it will be a collective global drop the mic moment for humanity.

Don't worry, be happy

You would think that a list stating 2023's happiest cities in America won't lead to fist fights (2023 equivalent, sprouting hatred on a medium run by the dumbest bigot in the world, initials ERM), think again...Good old California is back doing what it does best, annoying the living daylights out of that nurturing brand of earthlings that he'll woke, snowflake at everything that alters their 1950s segregated fantasy world. Freemont, CA was named happiest city to live (refer to WalletHub), being a suburb of San Francisco (5th happiest) has led to outrage from the confederacy. How dare this "homeless cesspool" part of the country be better to live in than southern states that lack healthcare and worship guns.

Now, the other highlights from the list. Madison, WI (third happiest) proves that a city with real winters (averages 53 inches/134.62 cm of snowfall per year) is no deterrent to quality of life. Okay, time to go off on a tangent, haters of Chicago, go ahead and poke fun at its 74th placing. There is of course a silver lining, many arrogant southerners from Florida and Texas think they're all that (somehow they think their humid weather, low tax base and Saudi values gives them the right to preach), however, Chicago ranks above Orlando (75), Jacksonville (111), Dallas (124), Houston (129), San Antonio (145). For good measure, as a Chicagoan I like to throw out this line to make those that lack a sense of humour: with all our gangland crime we still defeat the redneck paradises with their gods and guns fetish.

For good measure, LA is 76th, so much for perfect weather and being home to the "happiest place" on earth, Disneyland. New York City, with its infestation of rats places higher than the City of Angels at 57. 

To those not living in these United States, shame on you! Seriously, you're not missing out, unless of course, you want to be part of a nation that regards healthcare as a right and not a privilege. I can just see it now, non-Americans all over the globe scrolling this list feeding their Uncle Sam fetish. Even sadder, sharing it on American social media sites, and we all know many of you haven't even spent 1% of your life on American soil. 

The world's greatest frozen global city

It's time to take a break from all things geopolitics and advertise the winter wonderland that is Chicago. This is a follow up to episode 13 of the GE podcast https://www.iheart.com/podcast/53-global-editorial-100285719/ 

Rest assured, the 262 seconds you're about to witness will freeze your ears, not burn them.