365 sleeps till Dems go gaga over the Hawkeye State

This time next year, Americans will finally detox from their addiction to a thrice married maniac and focus on the circus that is the Democratic Primaries. That's right people, the Iowa Caucuses kicks-off the election season on Feb 3, 2020. The following is my early form guide for the Natural born citizens of these Unites States wanting to follow in the footsteps of Georgie 'my passion is slaughtering woman and children', Barry 'I dabble with war crimes via drones' Obama and Donny 'my racism and adultery is a winner with Christian conservatives'. Here is your succinct "idiots" guide to the twelve early favorites, brace yourself to start yawning over the hopefuls...

Joseph Robinette Biden Jr., Delaware (November 20, 1942) - 47th Vice President (2009-2017)

Good ol' Joe allowed Clinton a free pass to run in 2016, now he's desperate to be the default choice. Not only is he too old, but his past views on criminal justice are unforgivable. Like William Jefferson Clinton, he to was a big fan of imprisonments, you wonder why mass incarceration is a massive noose hanging around America's neck. Personally, I've lived in the great state of Delaware and have seen first hand his popularity, especially when he takes the Amtrak from Wilmington to DC. A first family from the first state would have a nice ring to it.

Cory Anthony Booker, New Jersey (April 27, 1969) - Senator (since 2013)

The consensus candidate, if he was white he'd be odds on favorite for the nomination. Due to having the wrong pigmentation conservatives target him as an angry black man. as we know being an angry white man gets you elected as America's 45th President. He is a big fan of bipartisanship at a time when it's a dirty word, his fluency in Spanish won't hurt either. No doubt he'll lock down the hipster vote, as he aims to become America's first vegan President.

Sherrod Campbell Brown, Ohio (November 9, 1952) - Senator (since 2007)

even though he is considered one of the more liberal members of Congress, his classic Midwestern persona might just trick rednecks that he's not as scary as those "socialist" California type Dems. If you want to win an election he could be your go-to candidate, after all, Ohio is the lifeblood of this great nation. Home to seven Presidents and the largest contingent of soldiers fighting for the Union army.

Peter Paul Montgomery Buttigieg, Indiana (January 19, 1982) - Mayor of South Bend (since 2012)

Would become America's first openly gay leader, which shouldn't be massive news as the rest of the world has already beaten us to the punch. Catholic Ireland is run by one and if you're looking to show-off at trivia, drop the name Ana Brnabić (first woman and openly gay Prime Minister of Serbia). Fellow Hoosier and gay conversion enthusiast, Mike Pence is not happy even accounting for the fact Buttigieg is an Afghanistan war vet. He will also become the first polyglot and Maltese-American to hold the highest office in the land - not too shabby!

Julian Castro, Texas (September 16, 1974) - Secretary of Housing and Urban Development (2014-2017)

Another Ivy League educated lawyer, what we need less of in politics. He will get some interest due to be the grandchild of undocumented migrants and an identical twin to Congressman Joaquin Castro. Bizarrely doesn't speak Spanish, which is a no-no for someone from Texas, even our hillbilly 43rd President knows Spanish.

Tulsi Gabbard, Hawaii (April 12, 1981) - Representative 2nd Congressional District (since 2013)

One word: homophobe. That's right, who said a Millennial from Hawaii couldn't be a bigot. Time will tell if her ethnicity (first Samoan and Hindi elected to Congress) and military experience will benefit her in getting away with Saudi views on sexuality.

Kirsten Elizabeth Gillibrand, New York (December 9, 1966) - Senator (since 2009)

Stay clear of this racist. Her resume as a politician include, boasting about getting an A-rating from the NRA and having no compassion towards the undocumented. Now she's doing the rounds on talk shows (refer to her appearance on Colbert, a love-in between two hypocrites) trying to advertise her liberal credentials, won't work, upstate NY Dems have a history of being stuck in the 1950's.

Kamala Devi Harris, California (October 20, 1964) - Senator (since 2017)

Having an Indian and Caribbean ancestry shouldn't be news in this melting pot of the United states, but you know as a married woman without children they'll make a big deal out of everything. She also spent her formative years in Canada. Will she finally become out first Tamil-Jamaican-Canuck President? She gets an F-rating from the NRA, which alone should ensure she loses middle America but gains all the urbanistas support. One major negative: was a little too incarceration ahppy as a prosecutor, will stain her empathy credentials. Vegas odds have her as the early favorite (4/1) to clinch the nomination.

Amy Jean Klobuchar, Minnesota (May 25, 1960) - Senator (since 2007)

This mild mannered descendant of Slovene immigrants was outstanding during the Kavanaugh hearings (in case you forgot, lunatic chauvinist promote to the Supreme Court). She was a critical of the Iraq war from day one (unlike war crimes sell-out, Hilary Clinton) and promotes liberalism in a way that won't offend backward Americans, there's a reason why they call it 'Minnesota nice'. One concerning aspect is that if you look at her voting record, some 32% of the time her views are in align with Donny.

Robert Francis O'Rourke, Texas (September 26, 1972) - Representative 16th Congressional District (2013-2019)

Beto (as he's affectionately known in Texas) mania is rampant across the nation, blame is Kennedyesque good looks. anyone who loses against Ted Cruz shouldn't be taken seriously, but luckily for him he ran in Texas, where losing a tight race as progressive gets you kudos. Having gown up in on the border town of El Paso and being fluent in Spanish don't hurt, what hurts is being too cute trying to be a hipster on the campaign trail changing your pinions to fit in with trends. Also, do we really want a future President who live streams his dental visits on Facebook?

Bernard Sanders, Vermont (September 8, 1941) - Senator (since 2007)

Bernie will go down kicking and screaming, ensuring it's not the last time we hear that America needs to be more Scandinavian. He paved the way for Democrats to own liberalism rather than market themselves as Republican lite, but is that enough for Dems to reward for his 2016 run, we'll know by his 79 birthday if he's the one.

Elizabeth Ann Warren, Massachusetts (June 22, 1949) - Senator (since 2013)

Now that she's confirmed her Native American ancestry, it's safe to say she has the nomination clinched. Using a DNA test for political purposes aside, she's the feisty character hell-bent on winning the states needed to swing the Presidency back to the Dems, namely Michigan and Pennsylvania. The problem is a law professor from Boston lecturing working class folk is a tough sell, then again a billionaire con artist out of touch with 99% of the populace managed to brainwash middle America.

My early prediction: Buttigieg/Klobuchar ticket. I understand that Americans are uneasy about handing over the nuclear codes to someone not conforming to heterosexual norms or the fairer sex, but if we're okay with racist adulterers throwing tantrums in the Oval Office, then why not take a risk on a level headed openly gay female duo - what's the worst that could happen? We could raise taxes to increase our military mite to murder 500,000 earthlings. A straight male Republican President already did that, and he got himself a library in Dallas.

May MMXIX be the year of vlogging!

MLK Day is as good as time as any to fire up another vlog. Warning: the following commentary will take up 279 seconds of your life, should you wish to listen to an earthling tell-it-like-it-is!

If you're having audio issues, in a nutshell I'm going off tangent on all things geopolitics and posing the following question: is our current Führer inherently more evil than a racist Founding Father* (credentials: enslaving 600 humans that didn't share his pasty skin tone) who happened to have great penmanship?

*Jefferson's Monticello: Paradox of Liberty exhibit got me thinking...

African American Museum of Dallas - 1/19/2019

No. 41 was a contradiction of barbarity and contrition

On this the day, the 41st President of these United States, George Herbert Walker Bush (GHWB) was eulogized at the Washington National Cathedral. Amid all the shining accolades in memory of his life, be sure to remember that what came with the 'everyone's father' veneer was savagery, which unfortunately provided incentive for George W. Bush (Dubya) to also dabble in the art of war crimes.

I'll cut through the spin and provide you with an idiots guide to the dark chapters of his legacy (including his periods outside the oval office). You'll notice a humble man with tendencies of a tyrant (due to being softly spoken he came across less scary), and for this he gets a taxpayer funded pompous send-off. So much for the Boston Tea Party, Americans revere Presidents like Monarchs - sickening.

Deceptive racist and sexist

Unlike the current President, who openly plays race games, Bush promotes racist types to do his dirty work, look up Lee Atwater if you need reminding. The infamous racist ad campaign featuring Willie Horton set a precedent for making racism mainstream again. Lest we forget his veto of the Civil Rights Act of 1990. As for sexism, the well documented defense of misogynist Supreme Court judge Clarence Thomas by discrediting Anita Hill was a disgrace. Just like with racism, GHWB used minions to do his dirty work. Close friend Alan Simpson, Senator from Wyoming (gave eulogy at funeral) was a chief Hill antagonist. Icing on the cake of Bush's sexist ways, in the past year eight woman came forward with groping allegations, music to the ears of the 42nd and 45th Presidents.

Birth of Dick Cheney (the Devil incarnate)

Sadly he saw promise in this psychopath and assigned him Secretary of Defense, and as we know, he used the Gulf War to start his slaughter spree. Luckily for him, Dubya made him VP and so continued his murderous wrath with blessings from another Bush President.

Tienanmen square

Tepid response to the Chinese governments (in other words he supported their actions) repression on students, you know annihilating them with tanks. You hate to wonder if those students were white Americans from privileged upbringings if he would've sided with such draconian action.

Iran-Contra

(In case you forgot, Reagan sold arms to Iran, using proceeds to fund ruthless right wing rebels in Nicaragua, another peaceful exercise from the land of liberty). GHWB pardoned defendants over this dark chapter in America's history to protect himself from being investigated.

Panama

He backed 1300 Panamanian terror groups as CIA Director and as President he put on a show by removing Noriega, typical Bush move, back a ruthless tyrant then when he flips on you go after him - sound familiar? Dubya saw daddy suck up to Saddam Hussein (as VP under Reagan, Saddam received America's blessing in the Iraq-Iran war) and then turned on him via the Gulf war. The rest as they say is history...Newsflash: 43 repaid the favor by wasting taxpayers money on a fake Iraq war to get rid of their old pal once and for all.

Gulf War

Remember 88,500 and 158,000. The first figure refers to how many tons of bombs GHWB ordered to be dropped on Iraq and Kuwait. The latter represents the amount of Iraqi lives lost due to this disgraceful episode in American history. I repeat, GHWB was a "gentle" soul.

There's no doubt we can learn from his family values and his ability to go beyond partisan politics and find the good in people. His charity work and efforts to bring the nation together is something to be admired. Compared with the immoral activities of JFK, Clinton and the current sleazeball in charge, no. 41 brought honor to the Presidency, in way of presenting ones self. However, this is undone by his penchant for war crimes, subtle racism and the obstruction of justice.

As an adopted Texan, I have no qualms giving a fellow adopted Texan an F-Grade for his tenure as Commander-in-chief. I will award an A for his family values, signing the Americans with Disabilities Act, Clear Air Act and for calling the 45th President an ass. Go rest with your great love Barbara on the grounds of your library (pictured below), and be sure to atone for your sins.

Yours truly at the home of no. 41 - College Station, TX

'Tis the time of year to stuff your stocking with film

Foreword

You might be baffled as to some of the names on the list, if so, it means you spend too much time watching films designed for brain numbing (hint: any movie with a big budget, god I hate Star Wars). I'm all about films that give your brain a good work out, even the comedic ones have elements that will leave you bamboozled for days and hopefully years to come. 

Drum roll...Here are 14 must-see indie features from 2018 (according to yours truly, a self-proclaimed film geek).

A Kid Like Jake (Silas Howard)
Gender fluidity and the politics surrounding it, a much needed film to get everyone (not just parents) openly discussing an often taboo subject. You might want to go easy on gender reveal parties after this one, just saying...

BlacKkKlansman (Spike Lee)
One of the bigger grossing indie films (still, it didn't even make the top 50 for 2018 box office taking due to cinema goers being all Marvel obsessed). If you still know any racist folk (my condolences) please watch it with them, if they get all excited over rednecks praising white sheet types, then I suggest you dump them at the nearest recycling bin.

Eighth Grade (Bo Burnham)
Give Elsie Fisher the dam Oscar already. Magnificent portrayal of the perils of being an adolescent in today's plastic world. Excruciating insight into an introvert navigating the social media quagmire, and I mean that in glowing terms,

First Reformed (Paul Schrader)
Ehan Hawke's mesmerizing character study of a deep dive into a spiritual car crash of mammoth proportions (in the best possible way). To church goers who worship money and no longer care for the earth's plight, this ones for you but you probably watch it due to its tree hugging nature, although Jesus would approve.

I Think We're Alone Now (Reed Morano)
Peter Dinklage puts in his best work since 'The Station Agent'. A grumpy introvert living in a library doing some heavy lifting in his spare time, watch it to find out, you won't be disappointed. There is a massive twist that will drive many bonkers, but that's half the fun of the viewing experience.

Izzy Gets the F*ck Across Town (Christian Papierniak)
Not a big fan of movies set in one of the world's most overrated cities, but this classic LA detour includes a cameo from Carrie Coon playing a hipster. If you've seen 'The Leftovers', you'll be aware that no one can match her in acting ability.

Leave No Trace (Debra Granik)
The classic indie treble of battling PTSD, coming-of-age, living off the grid is handled beautifully. No judgments, heartfelt and devastatingly real. PS. Ben Foster, Russell from Six Feet Under (aka Claire's boyfriend) is the lead in this, for those not aware of what I'm referring to, then shame on you.

Nancy (Christina Choe)
Hautingly powerful, never has a delusional and damaged character been given this much respect and warmth on screen. Gut wrenching, you might want to invest in a punching bag. If you lack empathy, you might want to check out a Tom Cruise (feel gross just typing his name) flick instead.

Never Goin' Back (Augustine Frizzell)
We Texans have found our version of Clerks, crude comedy at its best, will offend the living daylights out of prudes, just the way it should be. Added bonus of being shot in the great city of Fort worth. includes a scene that will affect your hot dog eating habits for years to come - horrifyingly hilarious!

Searching (Aneesh Chaganty)
The internet has ruined our lives, well, if you think social media has a positive impact after seeing this, then maybe you need to reconsider the meaning of life. Creative film making through the eyes of big brother. If you're a parent, then you might just regret having kids after this one.

The Long Dumb Road (Hannah Fidell)
What do you get when you cast the out of control Jason Mantzoukas (picture a cult leader doing improv comedy) in an oddball road trip comedy? A massive hernia from all the laughter. PS. Apologies to fellow Texans, the film is shot entirely in New Mexico (blame generous tax credits).

The Miseducation of Cameron Post (Desiree Akhavan)
Gay conversion therapy is sadly not illegal, much to Mike Pence's delight. What this film does is tackle a controversial issue without screaming and shouting, deft humor and empathy is used to shed light on this abhorrent practice.

Three Identical Strangers (Tim Wardle)
Not everyday a documentary makes the cut, but this is the very definition of compelling. This documentary is outstanding, not only for the twists and turns but for uncovering a despicable experiment that will leave you gobsmacked for eternity.

Thoroughbreds (Cory Finley)
Anton Yelchin in one of his final roles (sad to see such a talented young actor die in such a bizarre accident, impaled on a gate by his own car), plays a lost cause like no other. As for the film, let's just say white privilege meets sociopathic tendencies, a female-centric version of American Psycho.

Midterm madness

My previous post was all about the race that will stop the nation: Robert Francis O'Rourke (D) - Rafael Edward Cruz (R) for Texas Senate. Or as it's referred to in the Lone Star State: Beto v Ted. To follow up, here are eight key races that political pundits should watch closely.

(Note: if you live outside the U.S. and are going nuts over the Midterms, I suggest you take a cold shower, pack your bags and relocate. We need you on American soil making a difference, not obsessing from afar).

As it currently stands, the Senate is 51-49 (incl. 2 independents) in favor of Republicans, Congress is 235-193 (7 vacant) in favor of Republicans. The smart money is on the GOP holding the Senate and Democrats taking control of Congress. If a thrice married adulterer can lead a party that prides itself on family values, then you know anything is possible, you never know, pigs might just fly tonight.

Senate

Arizona: Kyrsten Sinema (D) - Martha McSally (R)
Indiana: Joe Donnelly (D) - Mike Brown (R)

Congressional

Florida (27th District): Donna Shalala (D) - Elvire Salazar (R)
Kentucky (6th District): Amy McGrath (D) - Andy Barr (R)
Texas (32nd District, happens to be where I reside): Colin Allred (D) - Pete Sessions (R)
Virginia (7th District): Abigail Spanberger (D) - Dave Brat (R)

Governor

Florida: Andrew Gillum (D) - Ron DeSantis (R)
Georgia: Stacey Abrams (D)* - Brian Kemp (R)
Michigan: Gretchen Whitmer (D) - Bill Schuette (R)

*If elected, will become the first female African-American to govern a state.

Global Editorial recommends voting for candidates that best uphold the values of compassion, freedom and liberty. Above all, vote against hypocrisy, the kind that makes many Americans cringe. Example: hating on migrants, yet doing nothing about citizens causing mass carnage.

Reminder: voter turnout in the 2014 Midterms was 36.4% (70-year low). Here's hoping we can crack the 50% barrier this time around to show China what "democracy" is all about.